You've Got a Heavenly Father

From the Archives: 2009

Written by Carl Spangler

My earliest memories in life are of not being wanted. Before I was born, my grandma wanted my mom to drink turpentine, thinking that would cause her to abort spontaneously. I never met my dad until I was 27 years old. As you can imagine, I felt pretty insignificant growing up.

When I was 4, a man came into our house. I remember his face as if I was looking at him today, even though that was 33 years ago, and I’ve never seen him since. He picked me up off the bed, set me on the floor, and then raped my mom in my presence. My mom adopted an alternative lifestyle a year later, and we moved in with her lesbian lover. Physical abuse was common at home and only worsened as I got older.

Things at school weren’t any better than they were at home. One day after being bullied at school, I sat under a tree in my yard and cried. Our landlady happened by and came over to talk to me. I still remember what she said, “Carl, you don’t need a daddy. You’ve got a heavenly father.” Those words still bring comfort to me.

Carl Spangler

When I was about 14, I began withdrawing and pulling away into all kinds of evil. At 18, I was arrested for setting fire to an occupied dwelling. Somehow, I got off without having to go to jail. After that, I joined the Army. While stationed in Colorado, I got word that my mom was sick. I got a pass to see her and eventually got a discharge to take care of her. Eight months later, she died. Mom’s partner kicked me out of the house. Now I was homeless.

Soon I got a job, though, and met a girl. Her dad was a preacher, so I started going to church. One night on the way home from a Wednesday service, I felt so convicted of my sins I pulled over and gave my life to God. I married the preacher’s daughter, and we had two kids together, but I never learned how to have a relationship. I was on the road a lot, driving a truck, when I found out my wife had been cheating on me. She tossed me out of the house, so I was homeless again for a while.

On our 10th anniversary, I got drunk. Somehow I broke my leg. I don’t even know how. I just woke up the next morning with a broken leg. I remember that next day feeling absolutely useless. I just wanted God to take me home, whatever that meant.

Just this past summer, though, I found a church where I saw God move in extraordinary ways among ordinary people. I had never seen the love of God being lived out like it is at Faith Fellowship Church. I have learned from these people that love is something you do, not feel. The number one lesson I have learned is that all Christians are called to love one another.

I still struggle from day to day. In these times of high unemployment, I have had trouble finding work. Often I don’t know where my next meal is coming from, but God has never failed me. I have claimed Isaiah 41:9-13 for my life, where God says He has chosen me and hasn’t rejected me. He will strengthen me and help me. He will uphold me with his righteous hand.

I have learned to depend on him every day. It’s like the Hebrews picking up manna in the desert. There’s always just enough for each day but never any extra. Because I am often out of work, I get behind on my bills, but I don’t worry because God always provides. I remember the landlady’s words, “Carl, you don’t need a daddy. You’ve got a heavenly father.”