Purpose from Pain
Ken & Kim Furches with their grandchildren
By Kim Furches
A few years ago, K-LOVE Radio challenged their listeners with this: using only one word, describe what you're thankful for. My one word is “purpose.” Not too many years ago, Satan tricked me into thinking that I had no purpose and I sank into a terrible place defined as depression. I couldn't begin to put a value on all I learned through that journey, and I pray that I will NEVER have to suffer being that sick ever again.
I was born in El Paso, Texas at Fort Bliss Army Hospital. When I was three months of age, my Daddy completed his two years of service in the US Army. We were traveling across the desert when our car broke down. The temperature was 107 degrees, but I didn’t cry. That is when I set myself up to be the person who over-achieved, pleased everyone, and created happiness all around me. That served me well throughout my childhood. As I look back, I truly believe that I lived the best childhood possible. My parents loved me and provided me with all I needed and more.
After graduating from Beaver Creek High School in 1978, I had made plans to attend college. But much to my family’s surprise, I got married! (In November of this year we will celebrate our 38th year of marriage.) In 1980, we celebrated the birth of our first child, and by 1988 we were parenting four children. I very much enjoyed being a mother to our children, but little did I know that I was not prepared from them to grow up. In 1991, our family suffered several hardships.
Recovery
The one that finally did me in was when our youngest child began kindergarten. In fall of 1993, I knew I was not well. I didn’t know what was wrong with me and couldn’t find a solution no matter what I tried. I felt like I was crazy and that I was hiding my crazy from everyone. Finally, one fall morning I was desperate! In my desperation, I called Dr. Richard Calhoun’s. I told the receptionist that even though I wasn’t a patient of Dr. Calhoun’s, I thought he might see me if she would relay the message that I was in dire need of medical care.
He agreed to see me, and I credit him for playing a major role in my recovery. He diagnosed me with clinical depression. I thought he was wrong—depressed people lay in bed with the covers over their head and refuse to get up for days at a time. I was like a hamster on a wheel that couldn’t get off. I couldn’t eat, sleep, drive, make a grilled cheese, pray, go to church, be alone, etc. My nerves meant all I could do was cry. He suggested that I be hospitalized, but Ken and I were able to convince him that my biggest fear was being separated from my family. He then gave Ken strict orders that I was not to be under any stress.
He prescribed me a heavy dose of anti-depressants along with a counselor’s name. I was reluctant to take medicine, and even more reluctant to seek counseling, but I was so sick that I was willing to do anything to get better. Seeing the counselor was the best decision ever! She helped me own what was mine and let go of issues which were not, but my biggest victory was acknowledging that I had lost my purpose. My kids were growing up and with no more babies to rock, what was I to do?
Finding My Purpose
I recall lying on the bed one evening glancing through the Wilkes Community College class schedule and it was as though ‘social work’ was written in flashing neon letters. The next thing I knew, I was on the campus of Wilkes Community College sitting for a placement exam so that I could enroll and study social work. I spent a couple of years there before transferring to Appalachian State University. In 1999, I earned my bachelor’s degree at age 39. I then worked for the school system for five years in a job that I loved.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.”
I was living life in my comfort zone when I realized that God was calling me to go back to school so that I could receive training to help not only individuals, but families as well. I know now that without my experience with mental illness, I would not be compassionate with those I serve as a Christian counselor. God has used all of my hardships to offer hope to others. Mostly, God has grown me into a different person than I used to be.
I have tried my best to adopt an attitude of thankfulness. My blessings have made me rich and I am wealthy by God’s standards. Most people my age have been orphaned, but yet I have both of my parents living vibrantly, healthy, and self-sufficiently. I have never been hungry, cold, or homeless, without shoes or a coat. I received twelve years of FREE public education. I can read and write and do simple math. Excellent medical care is at my fingertips. I have running water and I can choose whether it’s hot or cold. I am surrounded by a loving family and precious friends. I am free to worship as a pastor’s wife thanks to the many veterans and their sacrifices. I am blessed to say that my roots run deep in beautiful Ashe County. I am so thankful that God called me to be the mother of my children and their spouses. I LOVE being “Gee” to my ten (almost eleven) grandchildren. Finally, I am thankful for my husband. He has held my hand through each and every journey. God has been so good to me and I am thankful for the difficult journeys for without them, I would be ignorant in appreciating all of the blessings that He has endowed upon me. Oh yeah, did I mention that I’m thankful for purpose?
This article was originally written for the Summer 2016 Edition of The Journey magazine.