Peace in the Midst of My Storm

Ginger Powell

Hello. I’m Ginger Powell. I am 33 years old. I am married to Matt Powell and a mother of three precious girls who are five, two, and one.

I’m also a daughter, a step-sister, a sister-in-law, a friend, a neighbor, a cat owner, a niece and a granddaughter. I was born and raised in Mississippi, but instantly fell in love with these mountains.

I recommitted my life to Jesus Christ the first year I moved to Boone through a campus ministry at ASU.

I like to run. I love chocolate. I enjoy hiking. I eat well. I watch movies and, occasionally, I find time to read a book. Mostly, I spend my days supporting my family in whatever they need. We are busy with preschool, groceries, dance class, bills, play dates and a part-time photography business. The point I’m trying to drive home is that I’m normal, and I’ve been healthy my whole life.

Life-Altering, Faith-Challenging Moment

So in July of last year, when I was diagnosed with stage-two breast cancer, I can honestly say it was a life-altering, heart- wrenching, faith-challenging moment for me. That day is what I consider to be the worst day of my life so far.

As soon as I heard the news, my world began to spin uncontrollably. I can still see Matt violently speeding home early from work to meet me down the street from our house so our girls wouldn’t see us panicked. With tears streaming, the look on his face was unforgettable. I sincerely hope our eyes never meet in that way again.

Fear, Loss, Confusion, and Deep Sorrow consumed us. We grieved the loss of my health and cried out in fear of the unknown.

Cancer. We couldn’t stop it, hide from it, ignore it, or control it. I had hoped it was a bad dream, but each day I woke up and there it was. Still real. Not a nightmare. We became busy gathering information we needed and tried to maintain a normal life with our girls.

It was the quiet times of rest that I would break. I cried myself to sleep at night and rose from my pillow every morning to one word -- Cancer.

Jehovah Rapha, The God Who Heals

We decided I needed a visual image to help change that pattern, so we contacted a friend from college who is an exceptional artist. I told her our drama and asked if she would be willing to paint a picture for me based on Exodus 33:22-23 referencing Moses and the Glory of the Lord.

It says, “When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back but my face must not be seen.” It’s important to me because I believe that verse shows both God’s compassion and power.

A couple of weeks later I received her picture. It’s her interpretation and has a woman in the image instead of Moses. She also felt lead to spell out Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals. We had it framed, and it hangs on the wall across from our bed. I then woke every morning still thinking Cancer, but now I also saw the Lord’s provision and His glory to come.

That is when my perspective began to change. I wished my cancer would just go away. I prayed it would go away. Then I found myself daily begging the Lord to take it from me.

Instant Community to Pray and Serve

We were not private about my diagnosis. The news spread quickly, and I could see the Lord gathering an army of believers together on our behalf. I felt a sense of strength swarming around us. Little did I know this group would grow into a strong support for our family.

I firmly believe the Lord brought forth an instant community to pray and to serve however they could. This group includes our family, my doctors, nurses and staff and friends from this community and all over. Without this support we would have struggled a great deal more both physically and spiritually. Despite the devastating news of cancer, I had a lot to be thankful for and this support group that God provided gave us that reminder.

Matt was a rock, the glue that held our family together and my safe place. I needed him and, although he had his own fears, God gave him the grace to rise to this occasion. He is fearless, honorable, hardworking, constant, strong, honest, intentional, gracious and loving. He balances our life beautifully.

“But we are called as Christians to walk in faith and trust the Lord completely.”

Could it Get Worse?

My world turned dark when chemotherapy began. It was sickening, and I was a wreck. I lost 12 pounds and was hospitalized after the first treatment. During my stay, I had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics and then a frightening response to Benadryl. I would never recommend having liquid Benadryl shot into your veins, ever!

So we were off to a bad start and I was thinking, could it actually get worse?!?! That’s when our water went out due to an issue with the well pump. My mother had a stroke --one that she miraculously recovered from. My step-sister and her family were in a car accident in Honduras -- she suffered a spinal injury, but after months of recovery she is fine now. My brother-in-law had a climbing accident -- he was released from the hospital with minor injuries and is also doing well now. I lost my hair (which I found a lot of my identity in) and the accumulative effects of treatment set in.

Chemo -- it felt like a heavy pressure holding down every fiber of being. I could not stand up right, get out of bed or dress for four or five days at a time. My nails discolored and detached. My teeth and gums were stressed. My vision changed and I was so heavily medicated with anti nausea meds that I was not comfortable driving myself or my kids anywhere.

Jesus is for Our Sins and our Sickness

Today there are a lot of questions left unanswered. What I do know is that God gave his son Jesus not only for our sins but also for our sicknesses. He came to save AND to heal. I trusted these truths day by day.

I found that I really needed to cover myself with scriptures about healing, positive images, worship music, and prayer whether I felt like it or not. It lifted my spirits and reinforced God’s truth for me.

These things along with our surrounding community of support, a group of excellent doctors and the power of God’s sovereignty brought me through to now where I find myself cancer free.

God took my impossible and is now developing it into a testimony of His grace and His loving kindness.

Living a Life of Faith, Not Fear

I have recently completed 30 radiation treatments and have started a five-year process of hormonal therapy.. It’s all part of the plan to reduce my risks of a recurrence. I have more surgeries this year and will be watched closely and regularly for a lifetime.

I spent so long being convinced I was sick. Then after surgery and pathology, I needed to be convinced that it was gone. Now I am challenged to live a life that is cancer free without being paralyzed by the fear of it returning.

I read recently in “The Breast Cancer Care Book” by Sally M. Knox that “Courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s moving forward through fear.” Deuteronomy 31:8 says, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified for the Lord you God goes with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Isaiah 41:10 says, “Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and keep you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” So I will move forward and if life turns a corner and I end up with another “worst-day-of-my-life” scenario, I believe that God will give me the grace and strength to face that too.

It’s a fallen world and there are a lot of horrible things going on today both here and around the world. But we are called as Christians to walk in faith and trust the Lord completely.

I believe Jesus struggled going to the cross to do His father’s will. I have found comfort in that. He knows the fear of death. Thanks to Him and His ultimate sacrifice I have something to look forward to. Not life without pain, hurt, or fear. I don’t get a free pass to avoid hardships. There is work involved and discipline, but the reward is great -- life after death with my heavenly father and a fellowship of believers.

And while I’m here I have the privilege to see His glory come time after time. I am amazed at the miracle of life and blessings that come when we walk in obedience to Christ.

It’s certainly not easy for me, but I will continue to grow and trust and surrender daily my life to Him because He is worthy and His grace has been sufficient.

This article was originally written for the Summer 2012 Edition of The Journey magazine.