Written by Vikki Woods

From the Archives: 2008

In 1989, while living in Statesboro, GA, Barry and I had our first girl, Jordan Elizabeth. She was born to us on Valentines Day! What a gift!  We were already the parents of two wonderful boys, Jeremiah then 9 years old, and Joshua, 6 years old.

We were pastors of a large, wonderful church and had many staff members that worked alongside us.  Early on May 19, our youth pastor’s wife Monica, another friend, my new 3 month old baby girl Jordan and I left for Augusta, GA. On our way, a drunken college student hit us head on, killing Jordan and Monica. I died, but they revived me. My other friend with us was injured, but it was not life threatening.

Gathered up from the highway, I was flown by Life-Star to the Medical College of Georgia.  Because of so much blood loss, I died again on the way, but they were able to revive me.  My left side took the brunt of the injuries and my left leg had gotten so mangled and broken that they didn’t think they could save it.

They told Barry that if I lived, they were sure they would have to amputate my leg.  He told them that God would help them save it.  They did—but I am the bionic-woman!  I have so much metal in my leg and arm that Barry says he doesn’t let me hold the children in a lightning storm!

I was in a coma for many days and knew nothing about what had happened.  Barry had to have the memorial services for our baby and our youth pastor’s wife, talk with the boys, and deal with my injuries. However, GOD was with him and people were a great support to our family.   

Awaking from the coma in the hospital, I KNEW Jordan was in the presence of God! He gave me the overwhelming assurance in my own heart that He had her!  I cannot explain it, but I knew where she was.  Waking and realizing what had happened, the first words out of my mouth were what I had heard God speak in my heart ...“God will give us more baby girls, not to replace Jordan, but to show His great mercy and compassion!”  

(I was right)!  I stayed 19 more days in the hospital, with casts and major injuries everywhere.  I could not walk on my own for a year, having to relearn at 33 years old!

One of the best things Barry did for me was to have at least one of my friends around me most of the time.  They made me laugh!  The greatest blessings though were my two boys!  They CAUSED me have to continue to live!  

Even though I knew God’s assurance about Jordan, when I went home, it was difficult, and each day was so hard.  I cried everyday and even more every night.  One day I had been nursing a sweet baby girl and the next thing I knew, there was no baby to nurse. What a terrible feeling.  I knew she was in the presence of God, but that “mothering” part of me felt so empty and broken.  Only those that walk through that valley of tears will know that pain.

A few days after I returned home from the hospital, God graced me with a dream.  In the dream, I was at the bottom of a beautiful, wide, marble staircase, bent over, low to ground, crying.  I heard Monica’s voice calling to me. When I looked up, I saw her standing at the top of the staircase holding Jordan.

She said to me, “Vickie, why are you crying?”  I told her that I was crying because even though I knew Jordan was in the presence of Jesus, the mothering part of my heart was so broken and still struggling.  She said, “Vickie, Jordan doesn’t need anything!  Everything she needs has been taken care of and she doesn’t miss you”.

Now, that may sound hard to someone else’s ears, but to me, it came with a power and revelation that made me realize in my mothering heart that my baby was okay and so much better off in heaven.  She did not need anything that I could offer her on this earth, even me.

When I awoke, I never again cried with that painful, broken mothering heart.  Of course, I still cried over the separation part, and it will always be tender to my heart.

God spoke to me and told me that the reason death is so awful for us is that we were NEVER created for separation!  We were created for relationship and communion with God and with each other!

God did a work in my heart that day and my heart is satisfied.  Even at best, we will be separated 50 or 60 more years and then we will be together with all kinds of things to talk about!  I am also convinced that I will not have missed anything about Jordan while she is there and I am here!    

After recovering somewhat from my injuries (you have never lived until you experience your 6 year old pushing you around Wal-Mart in a wheelchair with your leg sticking out, ready to knock into shelves or kick a by-passer. That is when you pray)!!! Even after a broken pelvis (among more than ten other major injuries), I became pregnant with Jasa Elizabeth!  She was born on Mothers Day 1990, one week before the 1 year anniversary of the accident.

Our whole town rejoiced!  Signs at the banks and such announced her arrival!  God showed the town that He is the Giver of Life and so gracious!  That is what Jasa’s name means—God is faithful and gracious! Twenty months later came Justice and a couple of years after that, Jenna was born!  My heart was satisfied! 

 I refused to be bitter and I refused to accuse.  I KNEW the heart of God for us, and I knew He would turn the whole situation around if we would allow Him.  My hope was the scripture that says “I would have been lost in despair unless I believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the LIVING,” and God did show us His goodness!  Contrary to what religion says, God is a good God and is not the cause of evil. Even in our weaknesses and wrong doing, as we call to Him, He forgives. Psalm 103:10 says, "He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities." We find mercy in Him.  Even when we fail, we call to Him and He forgives and comes to us in compassion, to help us live again!  We also found that He would take any circumstances, turn it around, and make it become a stepping-stone to new life.   

God says “He is not a respecter of persons,” so what He has done for one person, He will do for all.  He says He is the Giver of life, not a taker of life.  Even in a death, He can soothe a broken heart and replace the sadness with love, hope and a future!  My three girls are living proof that God is good and will love us in spite of ourselves!  

God changed my image of Himself as we walked through death.  As I encountered a relationship with Him, I realized that I needed to see what God said about Himself rather than take my old “religious" view of Him.  What a difference I saw as I searched the Bible to see what He is really like. The Bible says that if “we have seen what Jesus is like, we have seen Father God.” Religion says that God is mean-spirited, hard to please and hard to understand, and we must be perfect in ourselves to cause Him to love us. But God says that He is good, and easy to know and understand.  He says that everything about Him is love and mercy. He says that He deals with us in kindness. He says that He takes the darkness and turns it into light! He says that His plans for us are not to harm us, but to give us hope and a future. Even when I fail Him, fail myself or others, I have a Father that loves me and forgives every transgression as I look to Him. He took our failures and hurt so that we could be free.  

I have found that what He says of Himself is true!  I have seen that the religious way I saw Him was not what He is really like. I found that God is “for us” and “not against us.” He loves us just the way we are—we can’t “do” anything to get Him to like us more nor can we “do” anything to make Him love us less!  I have seen Him as He really is; loving, kind, compassionate, a healer, a giver of life, merciful, and forgiving. The Life Giver!!